OPEN. TO ANY.TO ALL. MOSTLY.
First of all, about my man/boys; He/We/SHE, handles things internally, always has and always will. But he and I have our moments of sweet emotions, whether they are good, bad or ugly. He is trying to become a man under some very difficult clouds but it seems to me he is doing one heck of a job.
Jordan was an extremely special soul, no doubt about it. He touched so many lives in an uplifting, positive way. This is a blessing for me to know. Remembering the joys of his silliness, his protective nature over his younger bros, his compassion, his talent, his loving heart, makes things brighter for me, For us.
I also have every little treasure he gave to me. Which was a lot! From a little rock to a precious ring, a make up bag, a lip gloss…all kinds of things. These can bring me smiles along with the tears.
You know what? He is the only son of mine that I ever danced with at a wedding! He requested a song from the band, came and asked me to dance. One of my proudest moments, dancing to “My Girl” with my amazing child. I think he was 12 or so. Words cannot describe how he made me feel that day.
I believe our Jordan came to the earth for a reason. Of course, he should still be here, Damn, how I wish he was still here. We must think upon the loveliness that he brought to so many. And strive to be more like him.
Believe me, the pain I feel, in the depth of my everything, will always be a part of me now. It’s only the joys of his life that can lift me up and out of my despair. So I hold onto to those, as tightly as I can.