Golden Hair

The description given was “golden hair”. Which given the circumstances, you could understand fully. A little prayer was sent up to the Angel Jordan. This, during a situation calling for some serious issues to be faced.

The halo of his brother shown on the man/boy that night. Kinda like the halo that surrounds the name of his brother on his chest. seemingly the whole night changed.

I wonder if that promise will stay with him.

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Could it be?

Sometime last year, I made wishes. Not gonna lie, the wishes had a lot to do with love and finding that person that fit. I basically asked for my world to get shaken up. Yes, and it did. In many ways. Some that downright scared the flip out of me, I can think of three right now. Then I thought to myself “Seriously, K, bring someone into your world? Hmmm, I don’t know.”

As it turns out, along with all the shaking up (that had nothing to do with romance) I came across someone who had seemingly been hanging about in the background. Someone who turns out to be caring, funny and kind and just what I needed to help me through the bits of turmoil I had to deal with. Not really out of the blue, but a little bit. We had been talking a while on a website, then ended up texting for a month or so. Anyone who knows me knows even the texting was a huge step for me. Although I know, in order to find the love I wish for, I have to put myself out there in this world. But I seriously am a huge frikken chicken little girl when it comes to this dating thing. I can talk to anyone so I have a hard time understanding why this comes so hard to me. I see the commercials, specially the match.com ones and of course, it gets me to thinking….”Everyone else does this, why can’t you?” I hear a woman say “Because its’ fun.” Me, my stomach starts to fail, heart beating entirely to fast, mind a whirl and I haven’t even made a god blessed date yet, or talked to a man on the phone! Seriously bad.

Then I meet this guy. We finally speak on the phone. He has a warm voice. Bam, we talk like old friends. It has been great and fun and much needed. Turns out we even grew up in the same place, in fact, we have quite a few commonalities. Although we have great phone together, what matters is how we physically connect, right?

That happens tomorrow. I am trying so hard to not have expectations. You do know how hard that is when you have wished for something so patiently, right?  Well, okay, I did kiss some froggy frogs along the way, but patient I stayed.

I wanted to write this for him really. To tell him, so far, with your patience in the beginning, now your silliness to make me laugh, your concern over certain things, your soothing voice and just the fact that you have been on the other end, quietly lifting me up, has been just what I needed. Athletic, adventurous, outgoing, considerate and fun, oh yes, some of the qualities that are important to me. Yeah Buddy!!  What if?

I am a little frightened of the whole love thing. Sometimes  I think to myself, as I stretch myself across my bed…even when mostly I don’t use but half the bed!, “Do I want to give that up?” Um, yepper.

It is my year of 49, gonna hit that 50 soon and flip, I am tired of not having my best friend with me, on my beach walks, on the park runs, hanging out with the youngerz and the mini youngerz, washing the car, sitting in the moon light, sharing a coffee.

 

****When you look into my eyes, do you see the lonely? Or feel the instinct that I could be your one and only?

I waited for the day. Yes, I wished, I even prayed.

That you would take my hand. Through the moments, you could understand.

Facing together the waves of life. A love so deep and rife, with immeasurable passion. Knowing in our souls,  this was everlasting.

For so long, I anticipated, even stipulated. Cried out. Sang out to the skies above, for this mighty, magical love.

Now here we come, at last, face to face. Forever and always. We stand by one another and take our true place.****

Can. Has. Not.

Can anyone really tell?  Can anyone really see?

Has anyone not ever fell? Has anyone just let you be?

Not anyone held a heart? Not anyone broken apart?

 

Can anyone save your soul? Can anyone step over the line?

Has anyone just reached out? Has anyone asked “Are You fine?”

Not anyone felt the pain? Not anyone cursed the rain?

 

Can anyone sing you a song? Can anyone hold out a hand?

Has anyone helped you be strong? Has anyone taken a stand?

Not anyone can face the trial. Not anyone shares a smile.

 

Written by KSM 11/04/11