Heart Light

Our days can change so quickly, all those minutes you think you have, ripped away, with no notice. Remind yourself of the beauty and love you have to share.  Then send it out into your world, to show another you really care.

It’s easy to listen to our minds, keeping us hidden. But hearts want to explode, if only they could listen.

Waiting until it’s too late, will not bring back that broken soul.

We must remember that there is no turning back of time.  So do and say the things you must, let your heart light shine!

It could make a life change, your little act of kind.

It can come so easy to you, once you see we are all the same.

Shockwave

Originally written 1/12/2011

Inadvertently, I saw his name. In a place so completely unexpected that the knife that has been twisting in my womb turned sharply again. Seeing it there brought back the shock waves that rocked me and my world so devastatingly almost two years ago.

Jordan S Kaghazi. achingly the tears cascaded down. I bent my head with the weight of the agony that filled me.

I was casually looking for my birth father and bam, my precious sons’ name in a death column. No one else was in that damned column. My son was. It is so close to his date of Angeldom, I’ve been tender. So seeing that, in so much black and white print, cut me so deeply. I can only think somehow that made it more real.

It’s in official records now.

These last days I have wondered if people understand the horrificness of my lost child and the fact I will never again touch his face on this earth. I doubt people. It feels to me as if it something that has to be hidden away.  No,  my young boy took his own life, so all I can think of is his torture and what he must have been going through.

Change in Scenery

Finally, after so, so long saying it, my son, his girl, Miss J and I made it happen. I got to move where I wanted. I was wandering around today in the garage trying to figure out where the hair remover might be and thinking to myself. YaY, is what I thought to myself. The other house was dark and dreary at times. I tried my best to make it not be but there were things afoot. You know, things that went bump in the night. I used to go bump in the night. seemingly around the 3 to 3:30am mark. And it was not fun but there was nothing I could do about it. That probably went on for close to two years. 2009 it started. So I learned a few things. Like who it is besides Jordan that hangs around that place.

The owners first husband. He was a dick. Or my assumption from the stories I heard, just like Bill. Eeeeww, just mean spirited, soul lost men. Nasty men both.

Heart Light

Our days can change so quickly, all those minutes you think you have, ripped away with no notice.

Remind yourself of the beauty and love you have to share. Send it out into your world, to show another you really care.

It’s easy to listen to our minds, keeping us hidden. But hearts want to explode, if they could only listen.

Waiting till it’s  too late, will not bring back that broken soul.

We must remember that there is no turning back of time. So do and say the things you must, let your heart light shine!

It could make a life change, your little act of kind.

It can come so easy, once you see we are all the same.