The Graduation letter

Hello everyone, people I know, people I don’t know. I just want to write a few words about my boy,  my fourth son, Spencer.

He gets to graduate from high school next month. I couldn’t be more happy and proud for him. For most of you, I realize this is really no big deal. To me though, it is a huge, and bittersweet deal.

You see, due to unfortunate fate, I wasn’t able to be with my oldest two sons for their graduations. For a lot of things frankly. Things, that as I write at this moment, make me emotional and tears well up. Now I understand the damage and ugliness that they had to endure because their parents pretty much sucked at parenting at that time. So, for way to many years of their lives, I was a hit and miss mom. Fuck. It breaks my heart, it did then and it does now. For you two precious S’s, how I wish I could turn back time, for all of us. Know that you were and adored, always.

Fast forward to my precious third son, a boy/man who had a few short months to go before he got to  leave behind the school yard and make his way in the world. 2008 and 2009 proved to be too much for him to bear and he took his life. My son, my son did this and he is gone from this world now. How does a heart break when there is just nothing left? I called that school and said to them: “Please let my son graduate, he worked so hard to overcome certain things and almost flippin made it!” At first, they were hesitant but Mama Bear persisted and my boy got his diploma! Maybe he couldn’t walk with his class but the sentimental value that I know his spirit felt…oh wow, what a feeling that I made his voice heard and let this happen for him. He marched down HB pier and graduated with the people who loved him anyway!

So, now that Spencer is getting to do this, something that he has worked so hard for, is quite major to me. I just wanted to share a little of my heart in my esteemed honor for my child.

Good job Spence, I am so happy for you and for making it through some pretty serious ups and downs in our chaotic life.

I love you babe, deeper than I can ever explain.

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