Link to Gloria Estefan

I want to share a little story.
Back in 1990, the MEM and I went on a cross country trip from Cali to Florida. 
We ended up in the Keys, a lovely spot and of course, I sat in the same bar as Mr. Hemingway!!  That was a thrill for the K.
During that trip, being all prepared for vacation of course, along with the serious bag of bud, I could think of nothing but sipping those tropical drinks on the white sands of those beautiful beaches. I lived in that state while a young girl for a few years, I already loved Florida cept for the what?, humidity!! Yes, yes and a very good guess~I love the sudden and sometimes wild storms that Mother Nature blesses us with though!
Anyway, as we were driving well, while that man was driving, I would think it time to smoke.  Couldn’t do it!  Made me sick! Same as the frou-frou drinks..the ones I’d been dreaming of for months, got on that sand, ordered the drink, got the gorgeous thing wetly in my hand and bam! Just couldn’t do it!  What the heck?  
As we were driving home, I think Gloria’s tour bus was in the horrible accident. I know it was actually. I distinctly remember feeling like: Wow..she is coming home to Florida, I was leaving and I had already adored her cuteness and pep and overcomeness…She was hot, the Miami Sound Machine rocked! 
When we returned home, after telling my tale of no inbibing to my pretend sister in law…she made us go right then and get a pregnancy test. 
Yes, I was pregnant, with my third son, Jordan!
He was born that November.. a wonderful, beautiful, ready for the world little guy….
Now so, so many years later the song that is lifting my spirits lately, the one I can play over and over again, "Coming out of the dark" is my motivator to get my life going again. I even pretend I am dancing on some stage. The music, all the music, as always, has soothed, rocked, made me cry…basically my life therapy. 
Watching the beautiful Gloria sing that song in that white dress, so full of power and light and her amazing strength,  The tears just kept coming that night. I had the same reaction last week while watching her perform via youtube.  
I was so proud of her. This woman I didn’t know.
This song resonates so with me because that baby that I was pregnant with in 1990, my beautiful Jordy, took his own life this past January.  His precious soul, his angel soul, is urging me, pushing me to get my work out there. 
Once again, Jordan has saved my life.

I cannot comprehend all of it.

I cannot understand for a minute, what is happening to this planet.
       People need Direction, Patience and Understanding.
Why all the Anger? 
       Just let it be released…into a deep, dark blue. To turn into sweet brightness that shall lead us
        Can we not gently lead ourselves onto the right path and finally hold our heads proudly high?
Smiling for each of us, expecting nothing in return.
       Yet recieving more than we could ever hope for.
This piece was written by myself, the original date of pen to paper: 9/18/89

Everyone thinks it’s kinda funny

But Funny? No, that is not the way I would describe it!  For, let’s see, bout the last two years my thoughts have on occasions, obsessive occasions…over God can I even say it…my baby leaving! 
My baby, 14 yrs old and the way he says it "14. 8 mths and 21 days…. He has done this to me since birth, I swear, he wanted to be 2 when he was one and the boy has never stopped!
When I think about it…really think about it…It should be about time I am done with the child raising. I started as a child at the age of 18..So more than half my life I have been a mother now.
I recall the crying in the pillow sometimes, being a single mom, this just had to be done on occasion, the if you dont’ stop fighting I will stop this car, in fact, I know I stopped a car a few times!  Heck there were three little ones with me at that time in my life!!  3 boys no less!
But we’ve had such precious, happy, laughing moments…These last months I have been scouring all the picutures I have left..which is quite a few considering, (another story), and seeing all these, looking at some of them with my boys, shows us all the great times we had, Even in one of the greatest struggles of our life. Until now.
I still feel blessed and am continuing on in my quest to find my true calling. I have, it’s work though but I am a toughie..heck look at my five boys all, well almost all, growing into fine, fine men and now a few Daddies themselves!  I will get through this. I know my boys will be there for me always. Just won’t need me as much, right?

Some words

 “We all know well that a collection of lies, deceptions, half-truths, fear, and cynical manipulation are what passes for a soul in many politicians” 
This quote makes a fine description for some of the people I’ve had in my life…This middle aged woman is figuring out that people really do suck. mean or not, people suck…
This has been quite an upheaval, learning all this truth. But helpful in my growth and I am okay with that…Not gonna lie, there is hurt…But, I will say this again, my boys, my angels, have saved my life again. When things feel a tad hopeless, and I can’t sleep for 5 nights straight, my babies come to my rescue.
I know the true meaning of love, and am saddened to find out the truth…most of us have no clue.