Another test

Just a few minutes ago, my second son, Scott, called to let me know that his PePe (Grandfather) had just passed. 
My first thought is to pray for my boys that they can be strong in the face of yet another loss in our family.
My first husband’s parents had one of the greatest, personal love stories that I’ve known.  They met like this: Lee was dating the sister of Rita.  He had come to pick up the sister while home on leave back in the 40’s.  When Rita opened the door, Lee’s heart was stolen away. They got married on his next leave.  This love story started in Mass. They moved here to Long Beach, CA., in the 1950’s and lived in the same house they bought way back then, I think for around $13,000.00. They adopted two boys, Mark, my husband, my two oldest boys father, and an older boy.   Lee worked for telephone company for ever….doing crazy stuff like having to fix/supervise live lines that  had fallen. Stuff like that. in the dead of night, .but what I want to say is how they behaved with one another. How he behaved towards his wife.  It was like they were on their honeymoon all the time.  Respectful adoration which to me, was foreign.   Still is, truth be told, they and my Godparents are the only true loves I have experienced. They taught me a lot. Even though we haven’t seen one another in many, many years and I may not have stayed married to their son, but I gotta say it has to do with what I saw true love to be, what I witnessed with the love those two shared. Thanks Lee, may you rest in peace, and thanks to you Rita, I know your heart has passed this earth but of course you and your precious love will meet again soon.


Hi guys, I just want you to know that I am doing ok.  I have my moments, crap, even my days guessing by Friday and Saturday but in my mind, ok.  Hey, I get up, get dressed.  Not much planned for my days right now but the hours pass and somehow I stay busy.  Like today, I am so excited cuz I get to have a root canal!  It’s true though, I am excited. After months of problems due to infection, and man oh man the pain I had to endure in my poor face, I am looking forward to getting this done.  Sick huh?
My boys have been my rocks, little and big.  They have a lot to do with my so called sanity right now.
I appreciate all the phone calls, messages, emails greatly.  I am just slowly getting around to talking to anyone who wasn’t directly involved, bear with me. 
Thanks again for your kind thoughts, we all are aware.

I don’t think I like Fridays.

This morning is tough, My chest feels like it is being crushed, something that started the moment I heard of my baby.  My days have been filled with I am not sure what but the hours pass.  Thank the Gods for my boys, if they werent’ here, I don’t think I could be breathing right now.
I have been going through all the keepers of my boys, you know, school work, pretty little things they made for me, report cards, awards…and if I don’t think to my self…he was a happy boy, why, why, why?…I am thrilled to look at this stuff again and have the bright and beautiful memories that I do.
I miss my baby.

Day 17

These last couple of days have  been funky for me.  Today, I am hoping today things will be better.  All the kids are supposed to be around so of course, that will make a huge difference. We went to Venice last week so that I could buy a windchime for Jordy.  The way it is situated under the eaves of the patio, makes it very special when you do get to hear the low earthy tones of the chimes. I just realized, Friday is when I could feel myself different, Friday is the day of the week when I found out about Jordan. Saturday, the funeral.  Wonder?
I miss him, we all miss him.