This will be my second attempt at writing this am already.  I somehow deleted the first one, maybe J didn’t like it much.
The time is coming to put his body into the ground, tomorrow.  I haven’t seen my baby since his passing.  I dread the moment when I do. What do I want to remember?  His beautiful smile, the one that once he shone it upon you, you were hooked?  Or do I see the sad and broken fakeness?
He was such a gift to me, saved the lives of his brothers and my self just by being born.  He even saved Colin’s life later~  If that isn’t an angel, go ahead and tell me what one is.
He became my best buddy.  We had such fun together.  I had to relearn all the boy things that sometimes girls just don’t wanna do.  The fishing..the worm part….eeeww.. but we did it…this became a joy for him.  Dead animals were always fascinating too.
Pouring over the memories, the physical memories, is sometimes a joy and sometimes heart wrenchingly overwhelming.  I tear up now just thinking about it.  But to see all the good times we had, his brothers and I…How I am grateful.  I got chosen to be his Mommy.  How did I get so blessed? Not only with him, with all my precious boys. 
Jordan,  I know I made it perfectly clear how much I love you.  It’s been so easy to love you, adore you.  Your spirit was such a gift to this world, to me.  I am so proud of you.  You set goals for yourself and were on your way to becoming everything you had dreamed of, talked about with us.  Thank you for letting me be your Mommy, you will live forever, within me, within your siblings and all those that follow.  I love you.

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